The Wisteria Gazette

Wisteria Gazette 9/23/10

Did you hear about Bree Hodge? First her marriage was on the rocks, then she lost her business, and now she is going to have to confess to Gabrielle Solis that almost ten years ago her son Andrew ran down Carlos’ mother in a drunk driving accident…and then…Bree covered it all up.

How could Bree do that? Carlos is going to kill Andrew! Can Bree and Gaby’s friendship possibly survive? It could tear both of their families apart…

Speaking of families…just when we thought the Scavo family couldn’t get any larger…Ka-blamo! BABY NUMBER FIVE! How are Lynette and Tom going to handle it? Especially since their dear old friend and Lynette’s college roommate, Renee Perry is coming to town for a visit. She’s a glamorous, sophisticated socialite who’s married to a pro athlete. I can’t imagine that she’s going to help out with diapers and late night feedings.

And, while we are on the subject of babies, I’ve heard a rumor that there was a terrible mix-up at Fairview Hospital and two children were swapped at birth. I pity the poor family that’s on the receiving end of that news. Apparently, one of the nurses had a drinking problem…

You know who else has problems? Susan and Mike Delfino. Their money troubles have forced them off Wisteria Lane and into a downtown apartment in a much less desirable ZIP code. Will they make it back? It’s anybody’s guess. But, I’ve heard that they’re renting their place out to a familiar face…the very sinister face of Paul Young.

How did he get out of jail? Why would he ever return to a street where so many people hate him? Why is he soooo creepy?

We’ll have to watch Sunday, September 26th at 9/8c to find out!

Wisteria Gazette 9/30/10

It was a bad week for the Solis family. First Gabrielle was told that Andrew Van De Kamp ran down Carlos’ mother in a drunk driving accident. Then, Carlos found out that their daughter Juanita Solis…is not a Solis at all. Gabrielle and Carlos’ real daughter, their biological daughter, is with another family…and no one can find them. And, even worse, Gabrielle and Carlos have decided not to tell each other! If you ask me, it’s only a matter of time before one or both of these secrets come out. And, when they do…someone’s going to get hurt…

Speaking of getting hurt, did you hear about Bree and Orson? It’s only been a few days but it looks like Orson’s already moved on…with his physical therapist. Ouch! But don’t feel too bad for Bree; it looks like she’s found a new project to keep her busy…her young, hunky contractor, Keith. I’m sure that she’ll put him right to work.

And, how about Lynette and Tom Scavo? Their old pal Renee, who, by the way, is headed for a divorce, just went from houseguest to housemate. Five kids and a friend crashing with them? I’m not sure I could handle it. I mean, it’s always fun to have an old buddy around but I heard that things got a little intense between Lynette and Renee. I guess old friends always bring along old baggage, right?

One thing’s for sure, our old “friend” Paul Young’s up to something. I heard he’s trying to buy back his old house…the one he used to live in with Mary Alice. He’s already renting Susan and Mike’s place. What does a single guy need two houses for? They’re across the street from each other. And, why would anyone ever want to move back into a place with so much…um…history?

And, as it turns out, Paul’s not the only person desperate to get back into a house on Wisteria Lane. When Mike Delfino’s loan application got rejected, Susan decided to take matters into her own hands with a sexy new sideline: an adult website. C’mon…I know the money’s got to help but could you imagine how humiliated Mike would feel if he found out? That’s the kind of thing that ends marriages. I really hope she can get away with it.

We’ll have to watch Sunday, October 3rd at 9/8c to find out!

Wisteria Gazette 10/7/10

So…Paul Young is married? What?! I mean, how does that even happen? How could anyone marry that guy…while he was in PRISON??? And, the weirdest thing is…his wife, Beth, seems totally nice…I mean, damaged, for sure, but nice…

And, speaking of damage, did you hear that Bree Van De Kamp ran down little Juanita Solis on her bike? Poor Juanita! And, poor Gabrielle!! First she spends the day at the hospital worried and then she finds out that her daughter…is not her daughter. How is that family going to survive? And, if you’re counting, that’s the second time a Van De Kamp has run over a Solis! I think there’s something going on between Bree and her contractor. Apparently, she was checking out Keith’s behind and didn’t check behind her car. Then…WHAM!

How about Tom Scavo? He went to the doctor and got diagnosed with male postpartum depression. That’s right, MALE postpartum…and, Lynette, well…Lynette’s not having any of it. And, to make matters worse, I’ve heard Renee has been meddling. You’d think she’d know better than to mess with her old friend’s marriage. Frankly, I’ve heard rumors that something may have happened between Tom and Renee in the distant past…something that could destroy the Scavo family. One thing’s for sure, Renee isn’t going anywhere because she’s now renting Edie’s old house! Just when you think a Lynette’s life couldn’t get any more complicated…

You wanna know who else’s life is complicated? Susan Delfino. She just had a really close call when she and Mike were almost caught in flagrante on her webcam. Why is she still doing this website stuff? I know she’s making big money but it must be a big burden lying to Mike. What’s going to happen when Mike finally finds out?

We’ll have to watch Sunday, October 10th at 9/8c to see!

Wisteria Gazette 10/15/10

So…the ladies of Wisteria Lane got to learn a little more about Paul Young’s new wife, Beth. She seems…um…weird, right? Frankly, I don’t think she has any idea what she’s gotten herself into. I’m worried about her safety. Paul’s clearly a dangerous guy. She’s playing with fire…

You wanna know who else has been playing with fire? My pal, Clarence, spotted Tom Scavo walking out of one of the medical marijuana dispensaries downtown. And, I heard that Lynette is not too pleased. Considering her history with drugs (remember — she’s popped a pill or two in her day) it makes a lot of sense…

You know what doesn’t make sense? Susan Delfino is still working for that adult website! Some people can really get trapped doing that stuff. She needs to stay on her game if she’s ever going to get back on the Lane…

Speaking of the Lane, it looks like things are about to really heat up over there as Bree and Renee go after the same man, Bree’s contractor Keith! Those two are going to be fierce competitors. I can’t imagine either one giving up without a fight…

And, did you hear the biggest news? Gabrielle went around Carlos’s back and hired Bob to track down Juanita’s birth parents. Can you imagine? What’s going to happen to them? Will Gabrielle and Carlos finally meet their biological daughter? Will Juanita’s real parents take her away? Will the Solis family survive?

We’ll have to watch Sunday, October 17th at 9/8c to see!

Wisteria Gazette 10/22/10

Did you hear about Lynette Scavo? She was so busy living her life that she didn’t even notice when her daughter Penny took the new baby to school for a little “show-and-tell.” I heard when Lynette arrived to pick them up the principal chewed her out! How embarrassing!

Wanna know what else is embarrassing? Susan Delfino has gotten deeper into that adult website business. I feel so sorry for her. I heard she is even offering to do one-on-one video chats now! Everyone’s going to find out. And…that’s kinda like cheating on Mike in my opinion. It’s only a matter of time before this all blows up in Susan’s face!

And, speaking of explosions, I heard Bree Van De Kamp won the war for Keith the contractor’s affection when Renee surrendered after a nuclear attack from…a little person. Apparently, Bree got one of her friends from church to freak Renee out and ruin her date with Keith. Renee’s got some sort of weird phobia. Personally, I think Bree’s the one who should be scared. Starting a new relationship can be difficult at any age but…he’s like fifteen years younger than she is!

And, while we are on the subject of children, Gabrielle Solis finally met her daughter, Grace, and…she’s beautiful!! She looks so much like Gaby. I always knew there was something fishy going on over there. Juanita looks nothing like Gaby and Carlos. But…what about Celia? And, how are Gaby and Carlos going to begin a relationship with Grace while protecting Juanita?

We’ll have to watch Sunday, October 24th at 9|8c to see!

Wisteria Gazette 10/29/10

So, I hear that Bree Van De Kamp and her hunky contractor Keith got it on. And on. And on. Apparently, Keith’s an animal in the sack and…a lot more than Bree can handle. Bree even tried to wear him out with a pile of projects but he just kept…on…going. I’m not sure that this would be a problem for some people but considering Bree’s romantic past she’s going to have to work pretty hard to keep up with this guy…

And, speaking of work, it looks like Gabrielle Solis might have to see a doctor for a little more work because Renee Perry punched her in the face! You heard me…not only has Gaby had plastic surgery, but Renee undid a bunch of it with her fist! Renee’s cheating ex, Doug, showed up to win her back, Gaby got in the way, and…POW! Gaby and Renee are good now but what a way to start a friendship, right?

Everybody’s fighting on Wisteria Lane! I heard Lynette and Tom’s mom got into it, too. Tom’s mom got all June Cleaver on the Scavo family and Lynette wouldn’t stand for it. They made up too, but I’m kinda worried about Tom’s mom. She seems like she might be losing it a little…

You wanna know who else is losing it? Susan Delfino! Paul Young is blackmailing her. He wants her house and has threatened to tell Mike about Susan’s secret webcam work. I don’t want to say “I told you so” but…I told you so! This could ruin Susan’s life! What’s she gonna do???

We’ll have to watch Sunday, October 31st (Halloween…OOOOOOOH! SPOOKY!!!) at 9|8c to see!